Please find below some fixes and suggestions
for draft-ietf-emu-tls-eap-types-09
Apart from the first item (TEAP label), which could also be considered a
typo, I think these are clarifications, not functional changes.
Labels used with TEAP
++++++++++++++++++++
Section 2.2 says:
session_key_seed = TLS-Exporter("EXPORTER: session key seed", Type, 40)
This is missing 'teap ' and should be:
session_key_seed = TLS-Exporter("EXPORTER: teap session key seed", Type,
40)
TLS Finished
++++++++++++
Search for 'finished' shows that TLS Finished message is written, and
sometimes used, in different ways. My suggestion is to replace the
variations with: Finished message
'Finished message' is what the TLSv1.3 RFC mostly uses too. This draft
already uses, for example, 'NewSessionTicket message' therefore 'Finished
message' would be a good match.
Other Finished message / CONNECTED state notes
----------------------------------------------
The first paragraph in section "3. Application Data" currently says:
Some implementations use a "TLS finished" determination as an indication
...
This might be better written as:
Some implementations use receipt of Finished message as an indication ...
or
Some implementations use transition to "CONNECTED" state as an
indication ...
The second paragraph in section 3. says:
... a transition to "TLS finished" also meant that there was no
application data available ...
Because there's no such TLS state, a fix could be:
... a receipt of Finished message also meant that there was no
application data available ...
or
... a transition to "CONNECTED" state also meant that there was no
application data available ...
The first sentence in the second paragraph of section 3. says '"TLS
finished" method' which is one case where simple 'Finished message' would
work.
Indication vs indicator
++++++++++++++++++++++
EAP-TLSv1.3 RFC 9190 does not use 'indicator', it only uses 'indication'.
This draft uses the both, mostly indicator, but it might be clearer to use
'indication' to match RFC 9190.
Spelling of CHAP variations
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Suggestion: Search for 'CHAP' and ensure that only 'CHAP', 'MS-CHAP-V1' and
'MS-CHAP-V2' are used for the non-EAP variations.
Section 6.1., inner tunnel replacements
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Paragraph starting with 'It is RECOMMENDED ...' does not suggest using
MS-CHAP-V2 or EAP-MSCHAPv2 as a replacements for MS-CHAP-V1. Adding this
would match the previous paragraph.
Other minor suggestions and fixes
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
EAP-Response/Identity could be used as the common notation for the two uses
in section 3.1.
Section 6.1 has '... do not provided ...'. Remove 'ed'.
Section 7 has a typo: tje
--
Heikki Vatiainen
h...@radiatorsoftware.com
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