"Cathy Booth" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes: > To whom it may concern, > > My name is Wesley Booth, I'm currently twenty years of age and have completed two >years of University studying Environmental Science. And you also have a multiple personality disorder with two personalities of opposite gender, one "Wesley" and one "Cathy," right? > > Having lived in Papua New Guinea(Bougainville) for 6 1/2 years of my > life, I had two leave due to the war in mid 1990. I've had a wish to > return to the island I still call home for some time now, although > I've been unable to find an organisation who can help me return to > the island either as a volunteer or a paid position. Too bad they didn't teach you anything about word wrap. By the way, "to" is a preposition, which is what you wanted above. "Two" is a number. "Too" means "also." Learn these simple grammatical rules and go far! However, Cypherpunks Industries Incorporated is more than happy to ship you back to Papua New Guinea. For the small sum of $5000, we will stuff you in a cargo crate marked "Please irradiate prior to delivery" and ship you there. For an extra $19.95, we'll even throw in a few capsules of Sarin Nerve Gas which are designed to dissolve at various rates. We thought we'd mention that, since there *are* some people who like ingesting acetylcholine esterase inhibitors as some form of weird autoerotic thing, kind of like autoerotic asphyxiation. > I'm prepared to do any form of work in Papua New Guinea, preferably > Bougainville. I'm a hard worker, easy to get along with and am eager > to learn. Cypherpunks XXX Productions has been considering opening a new studio in Papua New Guinea for some time now. We're prepared to offer you the position of Head Fluffer. Do you suck? Wait, don't answer that. Your actions speak louder than words, or text, as it were. How is old Bougain these days, anyway? > Having sufficient funds, I will be prepared to stay there for a long > period of time. Can you just ask the State Department to deport you permanently? > If anyone can get in contact with either AusAID or Community Aid > Abroad or any other non-government organisation and let them know > that I'm available to go to Bougainville performing any task, I would > be overwhelmed and most greatful. I have been unable to get in > contact with any of the organisations. They just don't like talking to really stupid people like. For example, someone who spams a cryptography mailing list asking to be sent to Papua New Guinea is pretty damned stupid. > I aware of the living conditions, due to being in countries like > Indonesia and other countries of Papua New Guinea for a long period of time. Internet access isn't as easy to come by there. You should have stayed and put yourselves out of the world's misery. > Also I'm prepared to work for 6-12 months to start of with. Now there's no need to do that. We can spice you up, boil you alive, chop you up, and cram you in little food cans, and then ship you over there as animal feed. > > I hope you are able to help me help the people of Bougainville Island. Praise the Lord, brother! The Lord helps those who help themselves! Rise up! Join us! Get your ass on a plane and fly on down to Papua New Guinea! Sell your computer! Cancel your net access! Praise the Lord! Oh, and please sterilize yourself as soon as possible for the general good of the human genome. > Thanking you > > Wesley Booth I'm glad we could be of assistance. -- David Marshall Fuckwit Relations Cypherpunks Industries
