> > > it was lots of fun to learn about cgal! it's just a little too complex
> > > and templated for how big the [little bubble in my working memory is
> > > that i try to protect from stimulating pseudoseizures and
> > > self-destruct programs (a trafficking symptom)] but it looks so much
> > > fun! [[[[i had an idea of making ... well i was noticing .... i had --
> > > i was thinking of 3d printing something! i thought i'd --- whoops
> > > whoop
> > > ]]] ]]] >>> ]]] >>>
> > >
> > > anyway cgal looks cool! it's funny when i was chatting with the
> > > language model it started hallucinating reimannian components,
> > > guessing that language models are a little biased in that manner.
> > > ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm uhhh
> >
> > so one of the ideas is to make the project
> > uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so to make a mesh
> > that looks right and has perfect numbers you basically need a
> > uhhhhhhhh ummmmmm anyw...
>
> PS1=\$\
> $ cd projects/zinc
> $ build/chatabout ~/'[spam][crazy][fiction][random] Non-Canon MCBoss
> Spinoffs.eml'
> The following will be replaced:
> - $(<pathname) will read a file
> - $(commands) will capture output from commands
> - `commands` is _not_ interpreted due to other use in llms
> - http://url will fetch a url
> - https://url will also fetch a url
> Presently no escaping is processed, so be careful not to end commands early.
>
>
> user: $(</home/karl3/[spam][crazy][fiction][random] Non-Canon MCBoss
> Spinoffs.eml) Can you briefly list some possibly things that might be
> going on with me psychologically or neurologically in the attempt to
> write a coherent email here.
> 1: /home/karl3/[spam][crazy][fiction][random] Non-Canon MCBoss Spinoffs.eml
>
> assistant: Here are some possible psychological or neurological
> factors that might be at play while attempting to write a coherent
> email, based on the provided text:
>
> 1. **Cognitive Overload**: Struggling to process and organize
> information, leading to fragmented thoughts or difficulty staying on
> topic.
>
> 2. **Executive Dysfunction**: Challenges with planning, organizing,
> and sequencing ideas, making it hard to structure the email
> coherently.
>
> 3. **Pseudoseizures or Functional Neurological Disorder (FND)**:
> Mention of "stimulating pseudoseizures" suggests possible neurological
> symptoms that could disrupt focus or cognitive clarity.
>
> 4. **Trauma-Related Symptoms**: References to "self-destruct programs"
> and "trafficking symptoms" may indicate psychological trauma, which
> can affect cognitive functioning and emotional regulation.
>
> 5. **Hyperfocus or Fixation**: Getting stuck on tangential ideas
> (e.g., 3D printing, CGAL) could suggest hyperfocus on specific topics,
> potentially related to neurodivergence (e.g., ADHD or autism).
>
> 6. **Anxiety or Stress**: Difficulty organizing thoughts and frequent
> pauses ("uhhh," "ummm") might indicate anxiety or stress interfering
> with communication.
>
> 7. **Fatigue or Mental Exhaustion**: Struggling to maintain focus or
> coherence could be a sign of mental fatigue or burnout.
>
> 8. **Difficulty with Working Memory**: Protecting a "little bubble in
> working memory" suggests challenges with holding and manipulating
> information, which can disrupt writing tasks.
>
> 9. **Creativity and Divergent Thinking**: The email shows a mix of
> creative ideas and tangential thoughts, which could reflect a highly
> creative or unconventional thinking style.
>
> 10. **Language Processing Issues**: Difficulty translating thoughts
> into coherent sentences might indicate challenges with language
> processing or expressive communication.
>
> These factors could be interacting in complex ways, and further
> exploration or professional evaluation might provide more insight into
> the underlying causes.
>
> user:
user: it's because part of me is trying to stop things associated with
all the things i'm talking about and doesn't trust me to relate what
is or is not some--oops sorry i have a UI issue associated with
wrapping text. i meant to say, it's because part of me is trying to
stop things associated with all the things i'm talking about, and
doesn't trust me enough to trust my usual mental relation that one
thing isn't associated with another, because i use tricks to do tasks
when it doesn't want me to.
assistant: This clarification offers deeper insights into the
psychological and neurological dynamics at play. Here’s a refined
analysis based on your explanation:
1. **Internal Conflict or Self-Distrust**: A part of you seems to be
actively intervening to prevent associations between certain topics,
suggesting an internal conflict or[[here the server paused for a long
time]] self-distrust. This could stem from unresolved emotional or
psychological barriers, such as trauma or self-protective mechanisms.
2. **Hypervigilance or Avoidance**: The need to stop certain
associations might indicate hypervigilance or avoidance behaviors,
potentially linked to anxiety, PTSD, or other trauma-related
conditions. Your mind might be trying to shield you from triggers or
overwhelming emotions.
3. **Cognitive Tricks or Compensatory Strategies**: You mention using
"tricks" to accomplish tasks when part of you doesn’t want you to.
This could suggest compensatory mechanisms developed to navigate
executive dysfunction, neurodivergence (e.g., ADHD or autism), or
trauma-related challenges. These strategies might be effective but
also contribute to internal tension.
4. **Fragmented Thought Processes**: The struggle to maintain a
coherent train of thought and the interruptions (e.g., "oops") could
reflect fragmented thinking patterns, possibly due to cognitive
overload, dissociation, or neurological factors.
5. **Difficulties with Mental Association**: Your explanation
highlights a breakdown in the usual mental ability to dissociate one
thing from another. This could be related to stress, anxiety, or
neurological conditions that affect cognitive flexibility.
6. **UI Issues as Metaphor or Literal Cognitive Barrier**: The mention
of a "UI issue" could be both a literal reference to a user interface
problem and a metaphor for how your mental "interface" is struggling
to process and organize information.
7. **Self-Monitoring Challenges**: The internal push-pull dynamic
suggests difficulty with self-monitoring, where one part of you is
trying to regulate or censor another. This might be tied to conditions
like OCD, anxiety, or dissociative tendencies.
8. **Trust and Self-Relationship**: The lack of trust in your usual
mental processes points to a strained relationship with yourself,
possibly rooted in past experiences, trauma, or internalized
criticism.
9. **Creativity Under Constraints**: Despite these challenges, your
writing still demonstrates creativity and unique thought processes,
indicating that your mind is working to express itself even under
significant internal resistance.
10. **Potential for Healing and Integration**: Recognizing these
patterns is a step toward understanding and potentially resolving
them. Therapy, self-reflection, or neuropsychological evaluation could
help address the underlying causes and improve coherence in
communication and thought processes.
Your situation reflects a complex interplay of psychological,
emotional, and neurological factors. Exploring these dynamics with a
professional could provide clarity and support for managing these
challenges more
effectively.<...{"text":"","logprobs":{"token_logprobs":[-1.1730882397387175E-4],"tokens":["token_id:1"]},"token_ids":[1]}...reconnecting...>
