As I may or may not have mentioned here, we recently adopted (purchased,
after an interview process) a dog.  He's a Maltese, though he has grown a
bit larger than the breed is supposed to.  He's a wonderful little buddy in
many ways.  I've been getting more exercise and have had fun training him --
he's very smart and eager to learn.  And he follows me around the house all
the time.  "You mean, like a puppy?" Dave Land asked when I mentioned this.
Yes, indeed, he follows me around like a puppy.

However, he has one behavior, which Dave "that's the last time that dog
licks me" Land associates in particular with white dogs.  It is... well, the
word "gross" comes to mind, and I don't mean in the Scottish way.  He seems
to desire to digest his food twice.  Got that?  In other words, he is
attracted to his own excrement, which he sometimes consumes.  In case that
wasn't clear, apparently he's unfamiliar with the expression, "Eat shit and
die."

At this point, I feel compelled to mention, for those who might be
suspicious, that this is not an April Fools joke.  Oh, that it were, for
last night we discovered that there is something worse a dog can do with its
poop than just eat it.  The dog can regurgitate it next to the sofa where
you're trying to enjoy a movie and the fireplace on a Friday evening.  The
stench was so bad that my initial reaction was to say to Cindy, "We have to
move.  I am never going in that living room again."  No matter what the
cost, I was unwilling to face the entity in the living room.

However... since it's hard to pack up and move on a Friday night, I managed
hold my breath and approach the toxic spill with a bottle of Nature's
Miracle and knock down the emissions enough that we could actually clean it
up, which involved more Nature's Miracle, Lysol, carpet shampoo and a
wet/dry vaccuum (which I'll have to clean out this morning).

My question to thee, in thy group capacity as Irregulars, is thus: Anybody
know how the heck to get the dang dog to stop munching its offal?  We
generally try to pick up his leavings as soon as he leaves them, which makes
it less likely... but we don't always notice when he's done doo-doo.  My
dream is that there's some magic potion to add to his food that will
discourage secondary consumption while not interfering with the primary.

Completely unrelated, but I'll mention that today is a hard one for Wes'
family... he was an April Fool's baby.  Stop the damn war!  There are things
worse than a gift of regurgitated dog shit in the living room.

Nick

--
Nick Arnett
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Messages: 408-904-7198
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