Erik came up with a modest proposal to help the poor pay their fair share:

> So tax color TV's and microwave ovens, if you can.

And woofers. And anything made by Hostess. And fake fingernails. The
National Enquirer. Velvet Elvis paintings. Burritos from 7-ll. 

Come to think of it, the poor are mostly responsible for each and every
esthetic and culinary outrage perpetrated in America for the last 50 years.

Just leave Taco Bell alone. I like Taco Bell.

> Let them eat cake....

They don't eat cake. You know why?

(a) To eat cake, one must save up $8 all at once to buy one at Albertson's.
The poor can only save up that much all at once to buy drugs. 

(b) To eat cake, because Albertson's is closed before you get out of bed for
the day, you must go to a 24 hour market and buy a cake recipe, eggs, milk,
and a bowl, at the premium they charge poor people who refuse to conform
their schedules to those of normal grocery stores. And a wisk. And clean all
the dirty dishes and used condoms out of the oven unless you want the cake
to taste funny. Worse than that, to bake a cake one must read and follow
simple directions without considering it a mortal affront to one's
dig-nuh-tee.

(c) Cake isn't made by Hostess. Hostess says they make cake, but that just
proves that the government can't protect us against anything.

(d) If a poor person really had a real cake, they wouldn't know how to serve
it up, because they know better than to pull out a knife in the house while
everyone else is hungry with their cake-jones on.

Analogy questions are now out of fashion for the SAT, but please please
please please can we just add this one: 

Vampire is to Garlic as Poor is to _______________

A) Work
B) Savings Account
C) Monogamy
D) Mozart



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