BG: Re: Ralph's Father's Grave

[Doris Bradley]

June 5, 2004   Dear Jeff:   It's because Felton Lee Stanley, Carter & Ralph's father, was married to Louisa McCoy before marrying Lucy Smith Stanley.  Lucy Smith Rakes was married her first time to a man named Rakes who fathered Ruby Rakes, Lucy's only daughter and Ralph & Carter's half sister.  Lucy was widowed, Mr. Rakes passed away, leaving Lucy with a small daughter to raise.  Lucy did a little of everything to make ends meet as a single mother, including nursing.  When Louisa McCoy Stanley, Felton Lee's wife, or "F.L." as he was called, became critically ill, somehow in their small mountain farming community, word got around that Lucy was the best nursemaid around so Felton Lee Stanley called on her to work as his wife's "live in nurse" full time, round the clock.  Mr. Stanley already had 5 or 6 young-to-teenage+ aged children by Louisa McCoy at home and he needed all the help he could get.  Some of  those children were young, around 8-10, and they were quite close together in age so it seemed outside help was needed.  Lucy Smith Rakes nursed the first Mrs. F. L. Stanley for several months or even years (I'm not certain how long, I've forgotten what I heard on this) until she passed away.  I'm not certain they knew her illness was terminal at the outset, but Lucy was right there and worked round the clock trying to save F. L. Stanley's first wife and was devastated when she died.   Carter & Ralph's Dad married Lucy Smith Rakes sometime after the death of his first wife.  I think the interval was quite respectable, and everything was just as it properly should be in those days.  However, Lucy Smith Stanley had Carter when she was aged 39-40, and Ralph was born when she was 40-42-the boys were 18 months apart almost to the day in age.  She was nearly into middle age when these 2 young boys, her 2nd & 3rd children were born of that marriage.  The couple purchased Lucy Smith Stanley's family homestead, "Smith Mountain Ridge" from her folks/family during their marriage.  Their marriage lasted about 15 years or so, because F. L. Stanley deserted the family "left home to take up with a red-headed ()*&^%$ when Lucy was in her mid-to-late 50's, Carter was about 12 years old & Ralph about 10 years old.  The boys nor their beloved Mother ever recovered from his desertion of the family & struggled constantly to keep the wolf from the door.    My understanding is that F. L. Stanley had already made plans to be buried about 25 miles from where the "Hills of Home" cemetery is located.  I have visited his grave-Ralph & Jimmie took me when my mother, Mrs. Carter Stanley passed away in November, 1990 from cancer.  It's the only time I've ever seen my Grandpa Stanley's grave, and he's buried way back down a one-way road up on a hill you can't drive to, but have to park a ways away from & walk up a hill.  It's a beautiful place, but not where I'd want to be, it's so terribly lonely.  There are maybe 35-40 gravesites there (or at least there were in 1990), and it's very isolated.  However, I wanted to visit & pay my respects.  Daddy had always promised to take me but it just didn't work out that way.  Daddy's heart broke when his father left home, Ralph's heart broke, and my grandmother Lucy Smith Stanley never recovered.  She never stopped loving him I don't believe.    Lucy Smith Stanley was one of  the finest women I've ever known, both Daddy & Ralph loved her desperately, fiercely, protectively, & beyond all reason.  She raised them after their Dad deserted them & worked her fingers to the bone at a time in her life when she was most vulnerable & struggling desperately to deal with her own heartbreak & depression after their father left.  She always put her children FIRST.  There was never a time in my life when I've heard either son say anything but wonderful things about their mother.  They never completely forgave their father for his desertion, and Daddy never overcame the effects of that desertion.  Neither did Grandma Lucy-she pined for him for 34 years.  I don't think either Daddy or Ralph or Grandma Lucy would have wanted Papaw Stanley to be buried with them.  Ralph & Jimmie put her grave between Daddy & Ralph because that's where all 3 of them agreed it would go.  Daddy wanted Grandma Lucy on his right side & my Mother on his left side.  I, Carter Stanley's oldest daughter will go right on top of Daddy & Mother's mausoleum---along with my husband in our own little "house" right on top of Mama & Daddy when we go.    Daddy picked out the exact spot where he is buried & showed it to me 5 years before he died when I was 12 years old.  He stayed there for 24 years waiting for my Mama.  My Mother never took a telephone call or had a cup of coffee or even so much as glanced at any other man after Carter Stanley's death in 1966.  She raised his 5 kids & waited to join him on that beautiful hill.  He picked that spot because as he told me "It's the best spot here, Sis, it's the highest and nicest spot right here under the shade of this big tree, you see, and all the rest of you kids and your Mama will like it here when your time comes.  This is where Daddy'll go, right here."  He showed me the exact spot where he's buried right now.  When Mother died, we spent lots of money to exhume Daddy's body & put them both above ground in their own little concrete house & they're warm & safe & most of all TOGETHER FOREVER THERE.  My Mother was always afraid to be buried underground-her worse nightmare was being put into the "awful, dark, cold ground, it's too dark & I hate the dark, don't put me in the ground, please".  So we didn't.  It helps the 5 of Carter Stanley's children who got nothing financially from all his years of hard work, sacrifice, & beautiful music to think that at least we know Mama & Daddy are together.  Ralph & Jimmie only put their own mausoleums up & had Grandma Lucy Stanley exhumed & put into their box AFTER I picked out Mama & Daddy's little home & had them put the guitar on Daddy's side & the beautiful white dove carving on Mama's side.  One day I'll be right above them.   That's why Carter & Ralph Stanley's father isn't buried in the "Hills of Home Cemetery".  That's why we pay to keep it up all year-it has nothing to do with Ralph's festival.  Every cent spent on that gravesite came from Carter & Mary Stanley's five children's own pockets---Carter Lee Stanley, William E. Stanley, Doris Stanley Bradley, Attorney at Law (me), Bobby James Stanley, & Norma Jean Stanley Allinder.  We pay to "keep it up all year", expensive or not.  We want it that way because Mother & Daddy wanted it just that way.  It's worth the cost.   Cordially,     Doris Stanley Bradley, LLB Member, Tennessee Bar Association Attorney at Law ----- Original Message ----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Friday, June 04, 2004 1:49 PM Subject: BG: Ralph's Father's Grave      I attended Ralph's Memorial Festival on Saturday and had a great time!!  My only complaint was driving down the mountain at 11:30 at night.  Next time, I'll camp!       I'm curious about why Carter and Ralph's father is not buried in the Stanley cemetery.  I saw that their mother's tomb is attached to the tomb built for Ralph and his wife, but there is no tomb for the father.       Is the "Hills of Home" park used for any other events?  It seems expensive to maintain this park for just one event each year.   Jeff Root Fairfax, Virginia