Reviewer: Tim Wicinski Review result: Ready with Nits Reviewer: Tim Wicinski Review Result: Ready, Basically
I have reviewed this document as part of the DNSDIR directorate's ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the IESG. These comments were written with the intent of improving the operational aspects of the IETF drafts. Comments that are not addressed in last call may be included in AD reviews during the IESG review. Document editors and WG chairs should treat these comments just like any other last call comments. First, Russ Housley's genart review should be addressed. Second, Mike Ounsworth did a detailed secdir review, and really dug into the 2119/8174 normative language topic. Saved me from that Third, Russ White's rtgdir comments on DHCP and a few other things I have this overall thing about the terminology in this document. When I started seeing terms "Domain" and "Registrar", I perked up. But it turned out these seem to have nothing to do with DNS at all. I went back and several of the anima RFCs like 8366 and 8366bis. Question: Why not point all references to 8366bis? It's adopted and moving along? Question: This document says it "Updates 8995" yet there is no section in the document with the updates to 8955. This is usually the case. ## 8.2. Trust Anchors for Cloud Registrar "DNS name" - you should use "Fully Qualified Domain Name (FQDN)" from 9499 instead Most of the following are nits: ## 1.1 Terminology s/value added retailer /value added reseller/ You define "Local Domain" but everywhere in the document you use "local domain" and actually "local domain Registry" You define "Owner Domain" but you use it only once. ## 1.2.2. Bootstrap via Cloud Registrar and Owner EST Service s/not have yet/not yet have/ Also "EST-Server/EST-Servers" are used in this section only. elsewhere it is "ESR Server" ## 2. Architecture s/involve in the process/involved in the process/ s/ The interation between/ The interaction between/ ## 3.2. Cloud Registrar Processes Voucher Request Message s/The absense of/The absence of / ## 3.2.3. Bootstrap via Cloud Registrar and Owner EST Service you quote "est-domain" here and 4 others places but everywhere else you just say est-domain ## 8. Security Considerations s/also apply to operation/also applies to the operation/ ## 2.1. Network Connectivity "There are DHCP options that a network operator" - you should be a bit more detailed, as in give the readers/ _______________________________________________ Anima mailing list -- anima@ietf.org To unsubscribe send an email to anima-le...@ietf.org
