Elwyn, thanks for your reviews. Authors/editors, thanks for addressing Elwyn’s previous comments. I have pointed to his latest round in my ballot. I balloted DISCUSS based on one point in Section 6.10.4.
Alissa > On Jul 31, 2018, at 8:05 PM, Elwyn Davies <[email protected]> wrote: > > Reviewer: Elwyn Davies > Review result: Ready with Nits > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please wait for direction from your > document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-ietf-anima-autonomic-control-plane-16 > Reviewer: Elwyn Davies > Review Date: 2018-07-31 > IETF LC End Date: 2018-02-26 > IESG Telechat date: 2018-08-02 > > Summary: > This document is ready but has a fair number of nits still to fix, > particularly > in the earlier part of the document. There are also some language issues to > address which the RFC Editor will deal with. My issues from the Last Call > review have been addressed. > > Major issues: > None > > Minor issues: > None > > Nits/editorial comments: > General: There are three remaining examples of "intent" rather than "Intent". > > General: There are five instances of the construction -> "quoted text" () in > s2. Need to remove -> and () in each case. This may be down to tool problems > - > there is a comment in the revisions list. > > S1, para 5: s/The ACP is designed to remains/The ACP is designed to remain/ > > s1, para 5: s/The details how this achieved are defined in Section 6./The > details of how this achieved are described in Section 6./ > > s1, bullet point #1: s/supports directly/directly supports/ > > s1, bullet point #3: s/network/(Data-Plane) network/ > S1, last para: s/Defined Networking (SDN) (see [RFC7426]), style > automation/Defined Networking- (SDN-)style (see [RFC7426]) automation/ > > S1.1, para 2: Operational Technology is a term that is not very well-known - a > reference would help. Unfortunately it seems that the text of ISA99 that > defines the term is not freely available. Suggestions of a freely available > alternative? > > s1.1, para 3: Although RPL is in the glossary in s2, this instance occurs > before s2 is announced, so it would be worth adding RPL (Routing Protocol for > Low-power and Lossy Networks - RFC6550) > > s2, "ACP address": s/the ->"ACP domain certificate" ()./the "ACP domain > certificate". > > S2, "ACP Domain": 'of nodes with ->"ACP domain' . Remove "->" and ()? > > s2. "ACP Loopback interface": Need to expand VRF on first use. > > s2, "ACP secure channel": As wrtten this equates a security association with a > secure channel. Suggest: NEW: ACP secure channel: A sequence of links > established hop-by-hop between adjacent ACP nodes with a security association > established for each link using the ACP secure channel protocol and the ACP > Domain Certificate. The channel is used to carry traffic of the ACP VRF > separated from Data-Plane traffic in-band over the same links as the > Data-Plane. ENDS > > s2, "Data-Plane": s/non-autonomic/by means other than autonomically/ > > s2, "GRASP": s/required/REQUIRED/ > > s2, "in-band (management)": fix up two instances of -> ... (). > > s2, "Node-ID": s/bit/bits/; Due to a missing XML introducer, the reference to > s6.10.5 hasn't been translated. > > s2, "(virtual) out-of-band network": fix up one instance of -> ... (); s/where > historically/were historically/; In next to last sentence s/out of > band/out-of-band/ > > s2, "ULA": s/are the first 48 bit/is the first 48 bits/ > > s2, "(ACP) Zone": s/protocols details/protocol's details/ > > s3.1: s/This way/In this way/; possibly s/other processes/single instamces of > other processes/??? > > s3.2, last para: s/like/such as/ [like: Yuck!] > > s3.3, para 1: s/managment/management/ > > s3.3, first bullet: s/out of Band/out-of-Band/ > > s4, ACP2: The phrase "(can block easily at edge)" needs additional > explanation. > > s4, ACP4: s/generic. Usable/generic, that is it MUST/ > > s4, last para: Need to expand eACP. > > s5, 2nd 'Note' bullet: s/auto discovery/auto-discovery/ > > s5, lata para: s/This way/In this way/ > > s6.1, para 4: Trailing colon s/b period. > > s6.1.1, last para on page 20: s/":" are not/The character ":" is not/ > > s6.1.1, last but 2 para: s/information element it,/information > element,/(probably) > > s6.1.2. next to last bullet: s/peers certificate/peer's certificate/; s/peers > domain/peer's domain/ > > s6.1.3.1, last para: Expand ttl on first use. > > s6.1.3.5, para 4: s/ACP nodes domain certificate/ACP node's domain > certificate/; s/nodes ACP/node's ACP/ > > s6.3, para 2: s/State Less/Stateless/ > > s6.11.1.1, para 1: s/reliable network reasonably fast/reliable network with > reasonably fast/ > > s6.12: s/hop by hop/hop-by-hop/ > > s8.2.1, bullets 2 and 3: s/vrf/VRF/ > > > _______________________________________________ > Gen-art mailing list > [email protected] > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art _______________________________________________ Anima mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/anima
